My writings

What happened to the person I used to know? The girl who spoke and thought for herself. The one who wouldn't go silent into the night. Who had no shame. The girl I admired, and who never followed, but always led. She's gone now. Her words are silenced before they escape. She's walking through a never-ending fog, that no one can pull her out of, not even herself. She's drowning in the mist of it. Struggling through Sorrow and grief. The fog is so thick it's clogging her throat, heart, and mind. Her heart is turning into a never ending black hole. And it's swallowing her alive. It's gotten so bad she can't even hear her own thoughts. She wants to cry, but the tears are buried deep inside her. The flame that once kept her alive is now extinguished. All that's left is the ash of her remains. But make no mistake she is not dead. She's just gone.

Bloody Awakenings
When I awoke today everything was perfect. But, by tonight the day will be scarred in blood. What appeared to be innocent in the morning, turned out to be bloody. By night time, all trace of innocence is lost. Through out the day the nightmare of truth arises, stripping us down to what we really are. By night, we're all covered in blood. When I awoke today everything was perfect.


My Murder
I'm below myself. I am not me. Instead, I'm the person sitting beside me, watching, but never interfering. I can't seem to stop myself from doing bad. I want to escape, but I'm trapped in this skin. I want to run, but my feet are cemented down. I want to talk, but my mouth is taped shut. I want to write, but my hands are tied behind my back. And no matter how hard I try, I remain caged inside. I'm so numb I'm paralyzed. And now, I'm dead. The irony is, all I wanted was to be happy, but you buried me in my misery.


REDRUM
I heard you cry. I watched you die. To me, the scene of your murder is sty. I gave my testimony, in hopes they'd find him guilty. But, I later found that I too, had murdered you. I ripped out your heart and watched you bleed. I held the gun to your head and pulled the trigger. I killed your soul, and buried the remains, and still you fought. Why didn't you fight this time?

{untitled}
Do you live in a fantasy with no realities? Is reality a living hell for you, and fantasy your sanctuary? Are you hallowed out? Just a shadow of what you used to be? Does it feel like you finally see, what they tried to blind you from?


{untitled}
I'm drunk with pain
so numb it hurts
so fond of yesterday
so lost in tomorrow
I have no dreams
I share no sorrow
The thoughts I share are borrowed
I feel no pain
I feel no grief
I'm not alive
I am not dead
I won't go silent into the night
I have to put up a fight,
But how can I when it hurts
so badly?

{untitled}
You held me tight
You kept me close
You said the magic words that mean so much,
and yet so little,
but when you did,
did it mean anything?


"FRIEND"
I called you friend
I confided in you
I hid your secrets as mine
I watched you cry
Every time dying a little inside
But the one time I needed you,
my friend,
You cowered away from the title.








Back
I'm lying on my bed, trying to remember what it was, that made me feel so clever?
Trying to recall the last thought floating through my mind,
as the music plays through the night,
it all brings me back,
back to a past that never happened,
back to the thoughts that have been tucked away,
back to the place I used to call my sanctuary,
back to the people I once called "friends",
back to the life I left I left behind,
back to the words left unspoken,
back to the lies,
but most importantly,
It brings me back to who I was,
And who I've become.


A Real Friend
What if I told you I was slowly dying? What would you do? That the promises we made, will soon fade. And that everything we ever did, would no longer hold any value. Well, this is just like that. Although being 3,000 miles away isn't exactly being dead, it's just like it. I can't experience my life without you in it. And as strange as it is, I need you, my friend, to help me get through this, to help me get through life.